|The Wogan Commentaries 1987-2008 |
|“I’m terribly sorry, but I don’t believe anyone in Albania looks like this”||Albanian Entry (2005)|
|"Every contest has to have an eejit"||Austrian Entry (2003)|
| "Marvellous laser display - I would have appreciated that a bit more if it hadn't been|
for the fella knocking seven bells out of the guitar! "
|Belgian Entry (1987)|
|"If she wins she'll be the sixth most famous Belgian in history - well done that's a|
cheery little customer!"
|Belgian Entry (1992)|
|"If she wins of course she'll be the sixth most famous Belgian! - a fashion statement|
from Belgium, tiny Swiss rolls for earrings, or are they sardines?"
|Belgian Entry (1993)|
|For more information on famous Belgians|
|"You'll be pleased with this Belgian entry, because there is a very early and welcome|
flash of thigh!"
|Belgian Entry (1999)|
|"Now I would have said that was a 'nil pointer' there!"||Belgian Entry (2000)|
|"They've got four languages in Belgium and they're signing in an imaginary one.|
The essence of the Euro"
|Belgian Entry (2003)|
|"This is the UK's attempt to get Eurovision screaming into the 90's - that woke the|
whole contest up didn't it - it'll either win by a mile or it's the Diadora
League next year!"
|British Entry (1995)|
|"Her dress has been through the shredders"||English Entry (2002)|
|"I forgot to warn you about his jacket!"||Croatian Entry (1994)|
|"That was song eleven - there's only about 300 more to go!"||Croatian Entry (1995)|
|"The Croatian Spice Girls! - the girls are wearing a little something run up by their|
|Croatian Entry (1997)|
|"Her pert loveliness will surpise you!"||Croatian Entry (1998)|
|"I have a sneaking regard for this one - watch out for a very crowd pleasing strip!"||Croatian Entry (1999)|
|"Keep an eye out for the Elephant Man in the background!"||Croatian Entry (2000)|
|"Now if you look at this closely you'll see one of the Corrs sisters has escaped for the|
evening from the family compound"
|Croatian Entry (2002)|
|"The legs have it...resist the urge to shout 'they're behind you' this is not a pantomime" ||Croatian Entry (2003)|
|"Its a shout a long - much more fun to sing along with than listen to...oh, I thought that prop|
[her dress] was getting in the way."
|Croatian Entry (2006)|
|"Alex is striking another death blow for barbers everywhere."||Cypriot Entry (1995)|
|"And to sing for Cyprus, and wearing his mother's curtains - Konstaninos!"||Cypriot Entry (1996)|
|"I speak well of the Cypriot entry as I sit next to the Cypriot commentator - and|
she's a fine big woman!"
|Cypriot Entry (2000)|
|"...but first, a song!"||Cypriot vote presenter (2003)|
|"I'm not too keen on the girls frock!"||Danish Entry (1987)|
|"This girl is heavily pregnant - but singing like a dream - and people ask me why|
I like the Eurovision Song Contest!"
|Danish Entry (1988)|
|"Fetching tangerine!"||Danish Entry (1990)|
|"They're singing in the round, it's probably a Danish thing!"||Danish Entry (1993)|
|"Bookies give this one 8-1 - I can't see it myself - but what do I know?"||Danish entry (1995)|
|“The Danes like it. They don’t think much of me”||Danish Entry (2005)|
|"The lady's poured into something black!"||Dutch Entry (1993)|
|"It's OJ Simpson meets Ruby Wax"||Dutch Entry (1996)|
|"They came out in rehearsals looking like the World of Leather - you could have|
made a couple of settees out of them!"
|Dutch Entry (1997)|
|"Traditionally as mad as a bucket of frogs"||Dutch Voters (2003)|
|"Yamma Yamma- see if you can remember the words!"||Finnish Entry (1992)|
|"They're wearing their mother's underwear!"||Finnish Entry (1994)|
|"Its the return of the Klingons and the Orcs... a nice understated performance."||Finnish Entry (2006)|
|"A lived in face!"||French Entry (1988)|
|"You'll either love this or loathe it!"||French Entry (1992)|
|"Cruella de Ville sings for France"||French Entry (1999)|
|W: "...pour l'Belgique?"|
French presenter: "Douze point pour l'Belgique"
W: "Quelle surprise!"
|French voting (2003)|
|"But its the same song the French have been singing since they hung the washing out on the Maginot Line."||French Entry (2006)|
|"This is a contest in which you're gonna see a lot of hair, it's a slap in the face for|
|German Entry (1995)|
|"Allright Bianca give it some welly!"||German Entry (1997)|
|"This, as the Germans say, is truly schrecklich! This is going to set tongues a-|
wagging all over Europe!"
|German Entry (1998)|
|"This is the Germans ridiculing the ridiculous!"||German Entry (2000)|
|“Bit of unashamed pandering to the raincoat brigade. Wasn’t that awful everybody?”||German Entry (2005)|
|"That's the stuff - you get your moneys worth here!"||Greek Entry (1988)|
|"Watch out for the boy in the vest - the boy in the vest steals it!"||Greek Entry (1996)|
|"Its life Jim, but not as we know it"||Greek Entry (2002)|
|"If you had a pair of handcuffs and a whip they're very welcome here" ||Greek Entry (2003)|
|“Another of these plain girls that Eurovision is afflicted with this year”||Greek Entry (2005)|
|"Some of these people have never heard of conditioner - that's 5-2 to get nil points!"||Hungarian Entry (1995)|
|"This is a real Eurosong, they do a little walking and bounce about a bit!"||Icelandic Entry (1990)|
|"See if you can watch this without being distracted by those two idiots in the|
|Icelandic Entry (1999)|
|"A pert lovely favouring the tight trouser - which is such a welcome feature here in Riga"||Icelandic Entry (2003)|
|"My trained senses tell me that this song is more than just a sniff of a send up of|
all Eurosong cliches!"
|Israeli Entry (1987)|
|"A shredded skirt which will take your fancy - and steam rising from the stage!"||Israeli Entry (1990)|
|"Dressed like refugees from a Christmas cake!"||Israeli Entry (1993)|
|“’I was a like a blind woman at daybreak.’ Of course the drink is a terrible curse”||Israeli Entry (2005)|
|"They got dressed up for this the Italians - you're absolutely nothing without a|
pair of leather trousers in Italy!"
|Italian Entry (1993)|
|"Don't ask me what the automaton was about, this is the Eurovision Song Contest...a capella, they'll
probably come last...for goodness sake: What's the automaton? what's that got to do with anything?"
|Latvian Entry (2006)|
|"Not a winner - but what do I know?"||Lithuanian Entry (1999)|
|"She's got a great pair of...lungs!"||Maltese Entry (1996)|
|"If I were him, I'd give the choreographer a slap!"||Maltese Entry (2001)|
|“A defined, well-set, lump of a woman”||Maltese Entry (2005)|
|“You've got four dancers, for whom modern dance stopped about 30 years ago.”||Maltese Entry (2006)|
|"That's Kate for Norway - she had a nasty shock before she came on stage!"||Norwegian Entry (1987)|
|"It's during that kind of song that you begin to notice the set a bit more"||Norwegian Entry (1997)|
|"I can't speak for tonight's performance but it was apparent in the rehearsals that|
the Norwegian hairdresser had suffered a nervous break down!"
|Norwegian Entry (2000)|
|“Watch out for the lead singer. You’ll be able to tell what he had for breakfast”||Norwegian Entry (2005)|
|"It's a dark little piece -I don't think that's gonna win - call me brave if you like!"||Polish Entry (1995)|
|"This song is not the most cheerful you've ever heard in your life!"||Polish Entry (1996)|
|"It's a bit of a sad old song - that's the Polish entry - not gonna set the Jordan on fire!"||Polish Entry (1999)|
|"A vision in crumpled linen with a kind of Greek chorus - that's not one of|
|Portuguese Entry (1995)|
|"Song number four, Portugal - only four you cry!"||Portuguese Entry (1996)|
|"This girl will need the neck muscles of Arnold Schwarzenegger to keep this|
necklace up! I don't know why her head isn't down by her knees!"
|Romanian Entry (1998)|
|"Glam Rock arrives at the Eurovision - who said the medallion was dead?"||Russian Entry (1995)|
|"If the late great Dick Emery wasn't dead, I'd have my doubts about that one!"||Russian Entry (1997)|
|"Keep an eye on this fella, I don't think he's the full shilling!"||Russian Entry (2001)|
|"When you pick a boy band usually, you pick them for their good looks. But the Russians|
appear to have gone to the other extreme"
|Russian Entry (2002)|
|“Any sign of Topol?…’I will reach for you across the rocky mountains, take you to my old stone|
cottage’ and beat you within an inch of your life”
|Serbian Entry (2005)|
|"Kylie in dreadlocks really…note the particularly butch walloopers dressing the act in the background"||Spanish Entry (2003)|
|“As familiar as tapas and a dry sherry… with the added bonus of some bouncing bosoms.”||Spanish Entry (2005)|
|"Old kids on the block!"||Swedish Entry (1990)|
|"Christer has just a suspicion of Paddy Ashdown about him - I don't think it's a|
winner, but what do I know!"
|Swedish Entry (1992)|
|"They're not like us the Swedes, are they?"||Swedish Entry (1994)|
|"You ask yourself where have these people been for the last 30 years!"||Swedish Entry (1997)|
|"This pert little Miss is a touch heavy on the purple eye shadow!"||Swedish Entry (1999)|
|"That went very big in the hall…but keep in mind they've had a lot of drinks since the start"||Swedish Entry (2003)|
|"A fine lump of a girl - trousers of kitchen foil, not a girl who believes in standing still in the force of a gale.
"||Swedish Entry (2006)|
|"There's echoes of The Stripper in this!"||Swiss Entry (1992)|
|"Here he is - the beard from Basel!"||Swiss Entry (1994)|
|"Look out for the fella playing the trumpet - I think I saw him playing out in the|
street before we came in!"
|Swiss Entry (1997)|
|"Watch out for the backing group, they give it lot's of shoulder - that dress promised|
a little more than it delivered!"
|Swiss Entry (1998)|
|“I haven’t had a cool vibe for... I haven’t had a vibe for years.”|| Swiss Entry (2005)|
|"He might have shaved!"||Turkish Entry (1998)|
|"Yes, it's bellybuttons and handclapping"||Turkish Entry (1999)|
|“Keep an eye out for Archimandrite, Archbishop of the Bongo”||Turkish Entry (2005)|