The Wogan Commentaries 1987-2008 | |
“I’m terribly sorry, but I don’t believe anyone in Albania looks like this” | Albanian Entry (2005) |
"Every contest has to have an eejit" | Austrian Entry (2003) |
"Marvellous laser display - I would have appreciated that a bit more if it hadn't been for the fella knocking seven bells out of the guitar! " | Belgian Entry (1987) |
"If she wins she'll be the sixth most famous Belgian in history - well done that's a cheery little customer!" | Belgian Entry (1992) |
"If she wins of course she'll be the sixth most famous Belgian! - a fashion statement from Belgium, tiny Swiss rolls for earrings, or are they sardines?" | Belgian Entry (1993) |
For more information on famous Belgians | |
"You'll be pleased with this Belgian entry, because there is a very early and welcome flash of thigh!" | Belgian Entry (1999) |
"Now I would have said that was a 'nil pointer' there!" | Belgian Entry (2000) |
"They've got four languages in Belgium and they're signing in an imaginary one. The essence of the Euro" | Belgian Entry (2003) |
"This is the UK's attempt to get Eurovision screaming into the 90's - that woke the whole contest up didn't it - it'll either win by a mile or it's the Diadora League next year!" | British Entry (1995) |
"Her dress has been through the shredders" | English Entry (2002) |
"I forgot to warn you about his jacket!" | Croatian Entry (1994) |
"That was song eleven - there's only about 300 more to go!" | Croatian Entry (1995) |
"The Croatian Spice Girls! - the girls are wearing a little something run up by their mothers!" | Croatian Entry (1997) |
"Her pert loveliness will surpise you!" | Croatian Entry (1998) |
"I have a sneaking regard for this one - watch out for a very crowd pleasing strip!" | Croatian Entry (1999) |
"Keep an eye out for the Elephant Man in the background!" | Croatian Entry (2000) |
"Now if you look at this closely you'll see one of the Corrs sisters has escaped for the evening from the family compound" | Croatian Entry (2002) |
"The legs have it...resist the urge to shout 'they're behind you' this is not a pantomime" | Croatian Entry (2003) |
"Its a shout a long - much more fun to sing along with than listen to...oh, I thought that prop [her dress] was getting in the way." | Croatian Entry (2006) |
"Alex is striking another death blow for barbers everywhere." | Cypriot Entry (1995) |
"And to sing for Cyprus, and wearing his mother's curtains - Konstaninos!" | Cypriot Entry (1996) |
"I speak well of the Cypriot entry as I sit next to the Cypriot commentator - and she's a fine big woman!" | Cypriot Entry (2000) |
"...but first, a song!" | Cypriot vote presenter (2003) |
"I'm not too keen on the girls frock!" | Danish Entry (1987) |
"This girl is heavily pregnant - but singing like a dream - and people ask me why I like the Eurovision Song Contest!" | Danish Entry (1988) |
"Fetching tangerine!" | Danish Entry (1990) |
"They're singing in the round, it's probably a Danish thing!" | Danish Entry (1993) |
"Bookies give this one 8-1 - I can't see it myself - but what do I know?" | Danish entry (1995) |
“The Danes like it. They don’t think much of me” | Danish Entry (2005) |
"The lady's poured into something black!" | Dutch Entry (1993) |
"It's OJ Simpson meets Ruby Wax" | Dutch Entry (1996) |
"They came out in rehearsals looking like the World of Leather - you could have made a couple of settees out of them!" | Dutch Entry (1997) |
"Traditionally as mad as a bucket of frogs" | Dutch Voters (2003) |
"Yamma Yamma- see if you can remember the words!" | Finnish Entry (1992) |
"They're wearing their mother's underwear!" | Finnish Entry (1994) |
"Its the return of the Klingons and the Orcs... a nice understated performance." | Finnish Entry (2006) |
"A lived in face!" | French Entry (1988) |
"You'll either love this or loathe it!" | French Entry (1992) |
"Cruella de Ville sings for France" | French Entry (1999) |
W: "...pour l'Belgique?" French presenter: "Douze point pour l'Belgique" W: "Quelle surprise!" | French voting (2003) |
"But its the same song the French have been singing since they hung the washing out on the Maginot Line." | French Entry (2006) |
"This is a contest in which you're gonna see a lot of hair, it's a slap in the face for Europe's barbers!" | German Entry (1995) |
"Allright Bianca give it some welly!" | German Entry (1997) |
"This, as the Germans say, is truly schrecklich! This is going to set tongues a- wagging all over Europe!" | German Entry (1998) |
"This is the Germans ridiculing the ridiculous!" | German Entry (2000) |
“Bit of unashamed pandering to the raincoat brigade. Wasn’t that awful everybody?” | German Entry (2005) |
"That's the stuff - you get your moneys worth here!" | Greek Entry (1988) |
"Watch out for the boy in the vest - the boy in the vest steals it!" | Greek Entry (1996) |
"Its life Jim, but not as we know it" | Greek Entry (2002) |
"If you had a pair of handcuffs and a whip they're very welcome here" | Greek Entry (2003) |
“Another of these plain girls that Eurovision is afflicted with this year” | Greek Entry (2005) |
"Some of these people have never heard of conditioner - that's 5-2 to get nil points!" | Hungarian Entry (1995) |
"This is a real Eurosong, they do a little walking and bounce about a bit!" | Icelandic Entry (1990) |
"See if you can watch this without being distracted by those two idiots in the raincoats!" | Icelandic Entry (1999) |
"A pert lovely favouring the tight trouser - which is such a welcome feature here in Riga" | Icelandic Entry (2003) |
"My trained senses tell me that this song is more than just a sniff of a send up of all Eurosong cliches!" | Israeli Entry (1987) |
"A shredded skirt which will take your fancy - and steam rising from the stage!" | Israeli Entry (1990) |
"Dressed like refugees from a Christmas cake!" | Israeli Entry (1993) |
“’I was a like a blind woman at daybreak.’ Of course the drink is a terrible curse” | Israeli Entry (2005) |
"They got dressed up for this the Italians - you're absolutely nothing without a pair of leather trousers in Italy!" | Italian Entry (1993) |
"Don't ask me what the automaton was about, this is the Eurovision Song Contest...a capella, they'll
probably come last...for goodness sake: What's the automaton? what's that got to do with anything?" | Latvian Entry (2006) |
"Not a winner - but what do I know?" | Lithuanian Entry (1999) |
"She's got a great pair of...lungs!" | Maltese Entry (1996) |
"If I were him, I'd give the choreographer a slap!" | Maltese Entry (2001) |
“A defined, well-set, lump of a woman” | Maltese Entry (2005) |
“You've got four dancers, for whom modern dance stopped about 30 years ago.” | Maltese Entry (2006) |
"That's Kate for Norway - she had a nasty shock before she came on stage!" | Norwegian Entry (1987) |
"It's during that kind of song that you begin to notice the set a bit more" | Norwegian Entry (1997) |
"I can't speak for tonight's performance but it was apparent in the rehearsals that the Norwegian hairdresser had suffered a nervous break down!" | Norwegian Entry (2000) |
“Watch out for the lead singer. You’ll be able to tell what he had for breakfast” | Norwegian Entry (2005) |
"It's a dark little piece -I don't think that's gonna win - call me brave if you like!" | Polish Entry (1995) |
"This song is not the most cheerful you've ever heard in your life!" | Polish Entry (1996) |
"It's a bit of a sad old song - that's the Polish entry - not gonna set the Jordan on fire!" | Polish Entry (1999) |
"A vision in crumpled linen with a kind of Greek chorus - that's not one of their worst!" | Portuguese Entry (1995) |
"Song number four, Portugal - only four you cry!" | Portuguese Entry (1996) |
"This girl will need the neck muscles of Arnold Schwarzenegger to keep this necklace up! I don't know why her head isn't down by her knees!" | Romanian Entry (1998) |
"Glam Rock arrives at the Eurovision - who said the medallion was dead?" | Russian Entry (1995) |
"If the late great Dick Emery wasn't dead, I'd have my doubts about that one!" | Russian Entry (1997) |
"Keep an eye on this fella, I don't think he's the full shilling!" | Russian Entry (2001) |
"When you pick a boy band usually, you pick them for their good looks. But the Russians appear to have gone to the other extreme" | Russian Entry (2002) |
“Any sign of Topol?…’I will reach for you across the rocky mountains, take you to my old stone cottage’ and beat you within an inch of your life” | Serbian Entry (2005) |
"Kylie in dreadlocks really…note the particularly butch walloopers dressing the act in the background" | Spanish Entry (2003) |
“As familiar as tapas and a dry sherry… with the added bonus of some bouncing bosoms.” | Spanish Entry (2005) |
"Old kids on the block!" | Swedish Entry (1990) |
"Christer has just a suspicion of Paddy Ashdown about him - I don't think it's a winner, but what do I know!" | Swedish Entry (1992) |
"They're not like us the Swedes, are they?" | Swedish Entry (1994) |
"You ask yourself where have these people been for the last 30 years!" | Swedish Entry (1997) |
"This pert little Miss is a touch heavy on the purple eye shadow!" | Swedish Entry (1999) |
"That went very big in the hall…but keep in mind they've had a lot of drinks since the start" | Swedish Entry (2003) |
"A fine lump of a girl - trousers of kitchen foil, not a girl who believes in standing still in the force of a gale.
" | Swedish Entry (2006) |
"There's echoes of The Stripper in this!" | Swiss Entry (1992) |
"Here he is - the beard from Basel!" | Swiss Entry (1994) |
"Look out for the fella playing the trumpet - I think I saw him playing out in the street before we came in!" | Swiss Entry (1997) |
"Watch out for the backing group, they give it lot's of shoulder - that dress promised a little more than it delivered!" | Swiss Entry (1998) |
“I haven’t had a cool vibe for... I haven’t had a vibe for years.” | Swiss Entry (2005) |
"He might have shaved!" | Turkish Entry (1998) |
"Yes, it's bellybuttons and handclapping" | Turkish Entry (1999) |
“Keep an eye out for Archimandrite, Archbishop of the Bongo” | Turkish Entry (2005) |