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"Russia were going to be the political winners from the beginning"
| Russia | Dima Bilan | "Believe" |
|---|---|---|
 | Comments: | Diminishing returns for the artist formerly known as Dima. We could not decide whether to cringe at his writhing on stage or close our eyes whilst an olympic ice skater circled him in his bare feet! 'Believe' may be produced by Timbaland, but it is a laid back soft pop ballad - which lacks all the energy and hooks which got Dima to 2nd in 2006... so naturally it won! Is his victory just desserts after succumbing to Lordi phenomenon or did the Eastern European mafia decree he would win 12 months ago as Terry Wogan believes? Put us down for a little from Column A and a little from Column B. |
| place | 1 | |
| score | 272 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Armenia | |
| Ukraine | Ani Lorak | "Shady Lady" |
 | Comments: | Ukraine records its second silver in two years! Ani makes Dannii Minogue look classy - but she delivers what she's got. The stage act and costume were hilariously slutty - but clearly a good chunk of the population like that sort of thing. Highlight of the act was a row of four clear tubes which lit up and contained a back-up dancer. We also loved the fat chick WWAAYY off at the side who was providing 60% of the vocals. |
| place | 2 | |
| score | 230 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Russia | |
| Greece | Kalomira | "Secret Combination" |
 | Comments: | The Elena Paparizou formula is applied faithfully to this 'by the numbers' pop tune. Greek instrumentation gives way to Western dance track, with revealing costumes, simple choreography and lots of hair and teeth |
| place | 3 | |
| score | 218 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Armenia | |
| Armenia | Sirusho | "Qélé, Qélé" (Come on, come on) |
 | Comments: | After screeching the song in the First Semi, Sirusho gave a perfectly controlled performance of this instantly likeable (though overly repetitive) pop song - complete with heaps of Armenian strings and backing vocals. The fact that Sirusho is gorgeous and flaunted it didn't hurt her votes either!
EDU preferred Sirusho's 'I Cant Control It' but all four of her songs were above average (in this year's contest). |
| place | 4 | |
| score | 199 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Russia | |
| Norway | Maria Haukaas Storeng | "Hold On Be Strong" |
 | Comments: | An utterly wonderful, white-soul ballad, delivered without distracting moves or gimicks. An EDU favourite, we'd hoped this might get up on the night or end in the Top Five - one of our few accurate tips for the night. UNRELATED TRIV: The composer of the song (Myra Craig) once broke both her knees by stage-diving during a performance she was giving to a mostly empty concert hall! |
| place | 5 | |
| score | 182 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Denmark | |
| Serbia | Jelena Tomaševic | "Oro" |
 | Comments: | This divided they EDU editors. Most of us thought it was a great lullaby, guaranteed to send even Zeljko fans to sleep. One editor stood his ground and had this at #7 in his rankings (with his heart, not a cynical prediction of bloc votes). |
| place | 6 | |
| score | 160 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Bosnia-Herzegovina | |
| Turkey | Mor ve Ötesi | "Deli" (Insane) |
 | Comments: | We swear this is Queens of the Stone Age singing in Turkish. Having said that, its a great Queens of the Stone Age song that Mor ve ötesi has written and we liked it a lot. Straight-forward performance by the band on stage - free of gimicks. Would it have gone higher if it was in English? |
| place | 7 | |
| score | 138 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Azerbaijan | |
| Azerbaijan | Elnur and Samir | "Day After Day" |
 | Comments: | Elnur is in all white (including wings, white hair and white contact lenses) while Samir is dressed in black and busily pouring wine over girls with the worst wedgies in ESC history - that is, until Elnur's amazing Axel Rose impersonation leads Samir to change into white clothes and join him for the end of the song.
One blog described this as; "A heaven and hell on stage, a sort of Jari Sillanpää vs Mihai Traistariu in an Eurovision freak show of high notes and campy costumes." |
| place | 8 | |
| score | 132 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Turkey | |
| Israel | Boaz Ma'uda | "The Fire in Your Eyes" |
 | Comments: | This song was clearly more popular with the female editors at EDU... they thought the song was very catchy and was a testament to Dana International's song-writing skills. They felt the vocal range of Boaz was stunning. They also wanted to jump his bones. The male editors were truly surprised to discover that the male singer was hitting all those notes! |
| place | 9 | |
| score | 124 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Russia | |
| Bosnia-Herz'a | Laka | "Pokušaj" (Try) |
 | Comments: | This one split the editors. One of us had it in their top Top 10, most of us had it mid-field and one had it 5th-last. Most of us agreed it was a pretty cool indy song - quite reminiscent of Smashing Pumpkins. The stage act also divided opinion - it featured stiff dancing, laundry being hung out by Laka's sister (who was looking like Helena Bonham Carter from any Tim Burton film) whilst the back-up singers (dressed as brides) knitted scarves! |
| place | 10 | |
| score | 110 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| Georgia | Diana Gurtskaya | "Peace Will Come" |
 | Comments: | After a slow build-up, this sounds like a laid-back tATu song - or Evanescance at normal speed!
Stage show made this more memorable as all six performers on stage change from all-black outfits to all-white in a few seconds as a large cloth is brought over them. Considering two of the performers were carrying the cloth and the lead singer is blind - the quick-change had the air of the magical about it. |
| place | 11 | |
| score | 83 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Armenia | |
| Latvia | Pirates of the Sea | "Wolves of the Sea" |
 | Comments: | Finally! Boyzvoice makes it to Eurovision. We're sure this was a ploy to get all under-10s with mobile phones to vote - thankfully it only got Latvia mid-field, so we should avoid a Wiggle-wannabe invasion next year. |
| place | 12 | |
| score | 83 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Russia | |
| Portugal | Vânia Fernandes | "Senhora do mar (Negras águas)" (Lady of the sea (Dark Waters)) |
 | Comments: | Unlucky to miss qualifying last year, Portugal returns its best result in a decade. This came as a surprise to EDU - one of us had this second-last in their rankings and the rest of liked it but didn't think it would light anyone's fire. They were chanting for Portugal at the 2nd Semi! |
| place | 13 | |
| score | 69 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Ukraine | |
| Iceland | Euroband | "This Is My Life" |
 | Comments: | Iceland's best result in 5 years - but we were already making plans for Eurovision in Reykjavik :-( This may be the mark of how far a good song can go in 21st Century ESC without a lot of neighbourhood votes. Regina and Fridrik sang perfectly on the night and gave their usual energetic and simple chereography. The song got stuck firmly in the heads of most of the EDU editors. |
| place | 14 | |
| score | 64 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Denmark | |
| Denmark | Simon Mathew | "All Night Long" |
 | Comments: | Looking like the offspring of Roger Cicero (Germany, 2007) and Dexy's Midnight Runners, Simon and co. gave a strong, energetic performance. The song was fairly popular among the EDU jury - one ranked it second out of all the contest. Most of us thought it was decent pop but was mid-field material.
Our most critical editor though it sounded like 'connect-a-cliche' to the tune of a 1980s Cricket advert jingle. |
| place | 15 | |
| score | 60 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Iceland | |
| Spain | Rodolfo Chikilicuatre | "Baila el Chiki-chiki" (Dance the chiki-chiki) |
 | Comments: | Rodolfo Chikilicuatre (who like Silvia Nott and Verka is a comic character) will perform 'Baila el Chiki Chiki' Dance the Chiki Chiki. The Chiki Chiki is cell-phone music with four dance steps (hip-hop wave, a'Risky Business' slide, the moonwalk and the Robot). We had asked 'how can anyone hope to compete with Dustin?' but since Dustin failed to make it to the Final, quite easily would be the answer. |
| place | 16 | |
| score | 55 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Romania | |
| Albania | Olta Boka | "Zemrën e lamë peng" (Hearts trapped in time) |
 | Comments: | Much was made of the fact that Olta is 16 years old - and much like Lisa Andreas (Cyprus, 2004) she stood solo on stage and powerfully delivered a very, sweet ballad.
Female EDU editors also loved her coat. |
| place | 17 | |
| score | 55 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Greece | |
| Sweden | Charlotte Perrelli | "Hero" |
 | Comments: | Some said it was similar to a Helen Paparizou song 'Heroes', others pointed out that the Swedish public actually voted for Sanna Nielsen's 'Empty Room' and only the jury got Charlotte to the Semis. After the plastic surgery victim failed to qualify for the Final, the EBU's jury (isnt the head of the EBU Swedish?!) selected Sweden to progress to the Final (even though Macedonia and Bulgaria got more popular support). This is predictable schlager-pop and left little impression. |
| place | 18 | |
| score | 47 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Norway | |
| France | Sébastien Tellier | "Divine" |
 | Comments: | Most of the song is in English and sounds like Cornelius covering a George Harrison song. His back-up singers were wearing long wigs and beards - and he sucked helium out of an inflatable globe after getting off his golf-buggy! It's utterly wonderful and we thought would ensure France come dead last. (Seriously pearls before swine stuff!). Tillier's latest album - from whence 'Divine' comes - was produced by Guy-Manuel de Homem Christo (half of Daft Punk). |
| place | 19 | |
| score | 47 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Armenia | |
| Romania | Nico and Vlad | "Pe-o margine de lume" (On an edge of the world) |
 | Comments: | A male-female duet where he mainly sings. He'd look at home on the door of a King St nightclub... she looks like his mum. If you listen closely you'll hear quite a bit of Italian in the lyrics - if you listen very closely to David Bustamante's 'La magia del corazón' from the Spanish National Finals, 2002; you'll hear where this song was stolen from! |
| place | 20 | |
| score | 45 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Greece | |
| Croatia | Kraljevi Ulice and 75 cents | "Romanca" (Romance) |
 | Comments: | A folking mess - like Verka doing a polka and featuring the rapping granny from 'The Wedding Singer.' We did like 75c 'scratching the gramophone' (which has become a new euphemism!) |
| place | 21 | |
| score | 44 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Bosnia-Herzegovina | |
| Finland | Teräsbetoni | "Missä miehet ratsastaa" (Where men ride) |
 | Comments: | In an attempt to repeat the success of Lordi, Finland offers another heavy metal act - forgetting that Lordi were heavy-pop, a grotesque amusement and actually quite talented. Teräsbetoni are a little more Spinal Tap than anyone may want them to be. |
| place | 22 | |
| score | 35 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Norway | |
| Germany | No Angels | "Disappear" |
 | Comments: | No Angels are a culturally blended German-Spice Girls with questionable fashion sense and limited range. One of the 'angels' is Bulgarian and is the Marcia Hines of Bulgarian Pop Idol (of Ken Lee fame). That explains 12 of their 14 points coming from Bulgaria! Disappear is the ESC song of 2008 most likely to force itself into your head and loop all night long despite your best efforts. |
| place | 23 | |
| score | 14 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Greece | |
| Poland | Isis Gee | "For Life" |
 | Comments: | An adult contemporary feeling ballad, in English. Typically a blonde with big assets doing a ballad would conjure Shiri Maymon (Israel, 2005) but Isis was SO orange from the fake tan, and the dress was so plunging and the teeth were just so big and alabaster - that all we could do was laugh. |
| place | 24 | |
| score | 14 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Armenia | |
| United Kingdom | Andy Abraham | "Even If" |
 | Comments: | Sounding a little like Hot Chocolate covering 'Starlight' by Supermen Lovers, this fairly funky, fairly non-repulsive ditty is easily the UK's best entry in six years.
How can one explain this song coming last? EDU is afraid the answer may lie with Sir Wogan's ever-increasing damage on the U.K.'s reputation among Eastern Europe in relation to Eurovision. If this is true, look for the upward bump the first year after Wogan retires. |
| place | 25 | |
| score | 14 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Greece | |
| FY Macedonia | Tamara, Vrcak and Adrijan | "Let Me Love You" |
 | Comments: | Totally forgettable as a song - except that this qualified for the Final UNTIL the EBU jury decided to give Sweden the wild card at FY Macedonia's expense. The song is two male rappers interrupting a Pink-wannabe. On the night, she came out dressed like a 1918 chanteusse (no idea what that was about) but the performance did not leave much of an impression, even if was a bit more elegant than the National Finals version. |
| place | 26 (DNQ) | |
| score | 64 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Albania | |
| Bulgaria | Deep Zone and Balthazar | "DJ, Take Me Away" |
 | Comments: | Repetitive pop female vocals, backed by full-on dance track fit-to-burst with early 90s DJ scratching... This aint Eurovision. The stage performance lifted this, but the song would have alienated a lot of the audience. We loved the turntables on fire - though we were concerned the fumes may affect the DJs and we'd have them free-forming for 35 minutes until security dragged them off. |
| place | 27 (DNQ) | |
| score | 56 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Germany | |
| Switzerland | Paolo Meneguzzi | "Era stupendo" (It was wonderful) |
 | Comments: | The outrage of the 2008 Contest! This could have been the 'dark horse' who could win it for Switzerland and herald the return of Italian performers to ESC. We certainly had this rated in our Top Five. OK, on the night, Paul was a bit flat live and the all-black performers sort of vanished into the dark stage background. But even allowing for that, it HAD TO QUALIFY!! We want all of Europe swabbed. |
| place | 28 (DNQ) | |
| score | 47 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| Malta | Morena | "Vodka" |
 | Comments: | This is a song where it all went right after the song was selected. The singer was great, fabulous looks, powerful voice, real stage presence and energy, nice costumes and a whole heap of public support. It was the moment before that - the song - where it went wrong. A mess of a song; it repeats itself; it's inaccessible; it's brash and it's about the Cold War! Most of the people voting in ESC can't remember the Cold War - let alone Le Carre style references to Gorky Park. |
| place | 29 (DNQ) | |
| score | 38 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Sweden | |
| Slovenia | Rebeka Dremelj | "Vrag naj vzame" (To hell with it) |
 | Comments: | One of those cases where too much information before a Contest makes you expect a better result. The studio version of the song is slick - fast paced, inoffensive and a few hooks - and on top of that we hear Rebeka was Slovenia's entrant for Miss World a few years ago.
The reality was a noisy song with no real entry point for first time listeners - and like the Czech entry - a few too many effects thrown at the problem, which only made it worse. Neon lights! A green and purple dress! And Rebeka didn't win Miss World. |
| place | 30 (DNQ) | |
| score | 36 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| Moldova | Geta Burlacu | "A Century of Love" |
 | Comments: | The first teddy bear at Eurovision! A victory for our fluff-filled ursine companions... of course, all the bears we interviewed wanted to distance themselves from Georgeta.
The lesson for anyone who wants to send subtle, gentle jazz or crooning numbers to Eurovision is this: It's Eurovision! Not Bennett's Lane. Subtle at ESC is using dry ice only or keeping your dress on if its hem is passed your knees. It is not a soft jazz tune - especially not when its mangled on stage and you're spending you time flopping into a couch with your bear. |
| place | 30 (DNQ) | |
| score | 36 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Romania | |
| Cyprus | Evdokia Kadi | "Femme Fatale" (Fatal woman) |
 | Comments: | Woeful! Zorba the Greek music played on a cheap Casio, with an infuriating chanting style of delivery. Worst serious effort of the year. |
| place | 32 (DNQ) | |
| score | 36 | |
| douze | 12 pts to um… Greece? | |
| Lithuania | Jeronimas Milius | "Nomads in the Night" |
 | Comments: | The song is a slow, dull ballad - sung by a way-too serious heavy metal singer. Lithuanian officials were aware this was a bit of a dog, so they changed a song with subtle instrumentation and a focus on an operatic vocal into a maelstrom of clashing instruments, 'up' vocal inflections and guitar wank that would do the '80s proud. The composer described it as, "disgusting...really sad and dissapointing," and doing a "hundred times more damage than improvement." Organisers clearly relented and returned to the original version. Better to die on your feet, and all that... |
| place | 33 (DNQ) | |
| score | 30 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Russia | |
| Belarus | Ruslan Alekhno | "Hasta la Vista" |
 | Comments: | A funny thing happened on the way to the Contest... we started to like this song. We're not proud of it, and we'd like to blame the poor company we were keeping (Estonia, Czech, Lithuania - we're looking at you): but the fact remains. We of EDU had ranked this one in the top half of the field and thought it was a pretty decent effort. Add to that, its from the East and - as Wogan tells us - that means its an automatic qualifier, right? So we were surprised that the lame rhymes, cliched attire and underwhelming choreography were overlooked. Then we woke up to ourselves. |
| place | 34 (DNQ) | |
| score | 27 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Russia | |
| Netherlands | Hind | "Your Heart Belongs to Me" |
 | Comments: | This song deserved a lot more from the voting public. Most of EDU editors had this in the Top Ten and one of us played it far too often on iTunes.
Perhaps the black faux-leather bondage look did not engage the audience - it certainly did not seem to match the heat and lushness of the music. |
| place | 34 (DNQ) | |
| score | 27 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Armenia | |
| Montenegro | Stefan Filipovic | "Zauvijek volim te" (I love you forever) |
 | Comments: | The song was never going to set the world on fire. More like the jingle for an early 1990s VCR or girly sports car, than a 2008 pop song - Stefan brought all the energy of a former Howard minister to his performance.
Kicking off the First Semi must be hard - but he was 100km from home - surely he could have brought some pals along to gee him up. |
| place | 36 (DNQ) | |
| score | 23 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| Ireland | Dustin the Turkey | "Irelande Douze Pointe" (Ireland, twelve points) |
 | Comments: | "Drag acts and bad acts and Terry Wogan's wig... Give us another chance, we're sorry for Riverdance" |
| place | 37 (DNQ) | |
| score | 22 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Latvia | |
| Andorra | Gisela | "Casanova" |
 | Comments: | Sounding a bit Kylie and looking very Toya Wilcox - Gisela was much fancied by Euro-fans early on in the selection process, we could never work out why. Glad to see it wasn't just us that thought it was dull and predictable. |
| place | 37 (DNQ) | |
| score | 22 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Spain | |
| Belgium | Ishtar | "O Julissi" |
 | Comments: | Clera somta geria roffo hidi blala lala bronha (review in an imaginery language, play Enya while you read this)* * Note: This is the same joke we used in 2003 for Urban Trad with 'Sanomi' - if the Belgians are going to do repeats, why can't we? |
| place | 39 (DNQ) | |
| score | 16 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Armenia | |
| Czech Republic | Tereza Kerndlová | "Have Some Fun" |
 | Comments: | This is the prime example of how Eurovision gets a bad reputation (or deserves the one it has). This song was a tedious, middle of the road pop song - which got boring after 30 seconds. So, in order to create some interest, off come the clothes of the back-up singers, in comes a DJ in a booth at the back of the stage, cue the flares and fireworks, oh, and make sure there is plenty of dry ice! |
| place | 40 (DNQ) | |
| score | 9 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Armenia | |
| Estonia | Kreisiraadio | "Leto svet" (Summer light) |
 | Comments: | A piece of rubbish delivered by not two but three untaleneted and unfunny mean in Serbian, (very poor) German & Finnish (not one word of Estonian in it).
In case one imagines the lack of Estonian is to hide the source of the embarrassment, the three scantily clad ladies enter stage waving an Estonian flag. The lyrics (apparently) see the two complain about a lack of camping gas, too many green beans and eating sausage, whilst repeating Summer Light in various languages (and enraging the German speaking EDU editor in the process). |
| place | 41 (DNQ) | |
| score | 8 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Russia | |
| Hungary | Csézy | "Candlelight" |
 | Comments: | The song was performed in English and while it was originally a fairly obvious, swelling sort of a ballad, not out of place on a Disney soundtrack - it was re-arranged into a funeral dirge. We'd hoped for some funking up not down! They needed to ditch the cheesy electronic percussion and emphasise the strings and piano. |
| place | 42 (DNQ) | |
| score | 6 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Azerbaijan | |
| San Marino | Miodio | "Complice" (Accomplice) |
 | Comments: | 'Mi Odio' means self-hatred. With five points in the 2nd Semi it appears the feeling is mutual. The music was part Green Day, part Good Charlotte. (nuff said) |
| place | 43 (DNQ) | |
| score | 5 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Greece | |