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Marija! We just met a girl called Marija
| WE at EDU noted a few familiar faces in the crowd: | |
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| Marija Serifovic / Chris Lilley (Ricky Wong) | The Ark / Noel Fielding (Vince Noir) |
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| Eirikur Hauksson / Ron Perlman (The Beast) | Kenan Dogulu / Jason Gann (Wilfred) |
| SERBIA | Marija Serifovic | Molitva |
|---|---|---|
 | Comments: | Traditional Balkan power ballad with a smattering of Carl Orff orchestration, Irish-sounding pan flutes and Zeljko touches. Marija has a great voice and EDU’s queer jury members rated the 'erotic' performance, but the rest of EDU was unconvinved on the night.
Marija came 8th in the EDU jury. Eastern Europe has wanted a Zeljko-type song to win for years now. Let's hope for the health of ESC that its out of their system now 'Ah Serbia, you've come to the Wong contest' (on Marija's uncanny resemblance to Ricky Wong) - Loukia, Editor |
| place | 1st | |
| score | 268 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Hungary | |
| UKRAINE | Verka Serduchka | Dancing Lasha Tumbai |
 | Comments: | Tina Karol’s ’06 performance got this song a long way - the shock value of Verka being seen and heard for the first time at the Grand Final by most people was its greatest strength. Best described as a disco-polka with thinly disguised anti-Russian lyrics and gay storm-troopers for backing dancers - this one was designed to appeal to silly people such as the EDU editors.
'Tinky Winky with a disco ball on his head' - Loukia, Editor |
| place | 2nd | |
| score | 235 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Belarus | |
| RUSSIA | Serebro | Song No.1 |
 | Comments: | The band was invented at the last minute, the song smacks of being committee-written and the lyrics were a return to 'slut-pop' by Russia. A pounding, punchy pop-dance track - quite like the late 90s UK girlie acts. With only one of the trio known for a singing voice and the studio version produced to hell, this one could have been a real stinker 'live' but was surprisingly good. Russia gives the winner's podium another good scare. Eurovision in Moscow is inevitable.
'Britney school girl slut act meets the Pussycat Dolls' - Mello, Editor / 'Madison Avenue with long socks' - Simon, EDU associate |
| place | 3rd | |
| score | 207 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Belarus | |
| TURKEY | Kenan Dogulu | Shake it up Sekerim |
 | Comments: | Totally infectious JT rip off. Kenan was the Sakis of 2007 - a simple, pop song with a bag of catches and a charismatic performance. Neighbourhood voting of the Muslim bloc and Turkish working Diaspora ensured a Top 10 finish, Kenan took it to 4th.
(12 points to Armenia) 'We're even now, OK?' Rod, editor |
| place | 4th | |
| score | 163 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Armenia! | |
| BULGARIA | Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov | Voda |
 | Comments: | Is it a good song? Perhaps. Some at EDU rated it one of the year's best and others among the Editors think it is repetitive toss. Basically we are looking at screeched Bulgarian words, lots of percussion, touches of 'Le Mystère des Voix Bulgares' and some techno beats to tie it together.
"I thought Bon Scott was dead" Loukia, Editor |
| place | 5th | |
| score | 157 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Greece | |
| BELARUS | Koldun | Work your Magik |
 | Comments: | If ESC called for 1 minute songs this may be a good song – as it would certainly end before you realised how repetitive it is. This song was designed for a James Bond film set in a circus - its Matt Munro meets oompah music. Very strange. Belarus finally makes it passed the Semi Final.
"I wonder if he's also written the script to the Bond film" - Loukia, Editor |
| place | 6th | |
| score | 145 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Russia | |
| GREECE | Sarbel | Ya Sou Maria |
 | Comments: | A disturbing hybrid or a recent history lesson - you be the judge. Listen, its Elena's beat, there goes Sakis' refrain, now wait, them darn Balkan strings. The only original thing in this song was that the singer was from London (and almost predictably – could not sing). The studio version is a fine, Greek upbeat pop track.
"Chas L from the Chasers is singing for Greece!" Clem, EDU Associate |
| place | 7th | |
| score | 139 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Bulgaria | |
| ARMENIA | Hayko | Anytime You Need |
 | Comments: | Any song that makes you think of Michael Bolton AND Kenny G is a seriously daggy piece of out-dated pap. Far too slow (a la Zeljko) but without any cool, folk catches.
"It's Paul Licuria (Collingwood) and Gabrielle Gate's lovechild" (Rod, Editor) |
| place | 8th | |
| score | 138 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Russia | |
| HUNGARY | Magdi Rúzsa | Unsubstantial Blues |
 | Comments: | Apparently Melissa Ethebridge is doing gutsy blues and gospel numbers these days. It is not moving any units, but if you're interested in what it sounds like, just listen to Hungary's entry over and over. A strange return and a very bland, unengaging track.
"I'm hopeless and I'm ugly without shoes" - Simon, EDU associate |
| place | 9th | |
| score | 128 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| MOLDOVA | Natalia Barbu | Fight |
 | Comments: | Fiddles, record scratching and some hard-rock - this certainly breaks ground for Moldova. The song is catchy and she was very presentable (if tarty).
"A Cher outfit...a high pitched scream only dogs can hear" - Mel, Editor |
| place | 10th | |
| score | 109 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Romania | |
| BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA | Marija Sestic | Rijeka bez imena |
 | Comments: | Almost embarrassing in the way it apes the structure of last year's surprise hit for Bosnia. Missing the Zeljko magic, this one induced slumber in everyone under 10 and over 40. |
| place | 11th | |
| score | 106 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| GEORGIA | Sopho Khalvashi | Visionary Dream |
 | Comments: | As with Moldova and Armenia, the fabulous songs on debut continue (with the exception of the Czech Republic). Sopho's strong vocals steer the song from worryingly Balkan folk music to a very modern sounding techno-pop track. OK, the chorus is a blatant rip-off of Madonna's 'Ray of Light' - but it's so well structured and Sopho sings it so forcefully, you gotta overlook that.
"Betty Boop sings Bjork" - Loukia, Editor |
| place | 12th | |
| score | 97 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Armenia | |
| ROMANIA | Todomondo | Liubi, Liubi, I Love You |
 | Comments: | The epitome of the 2007 trend for nations to sing in a 'third language' (that is, neither their native tongue nor English). Romania's slightly psychotic gypsy dance includes verses in English, Italian, Spanish, Russian, French, and Romanian! An infectious track, with slightly panic-inducing speeds in the middle. Restrain all dogs and under 5s. |
| place | 13th | |
| score | 84 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Moldova (Back-scratch) | |
| FY MACEDONIA | Karolina | Mojot Svett |
 | Comments: | Typical - if dated sounding - chorus with a hint of asymmetry and some chanting. Some have described this as a carbon copy of Karolina's 2002 entry 'Od Nas Zavisi (It Depends On Us)' but that is grossly unfair to the previous entry, which was far more engaging and had an epic feel to it. This is dull ballad with bells and whistles trying to hide the flaws. |
| place | 14th | |
| score | 73 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| SLOVENIA | Alenka Gotar | Cvet z juga |
 | Comments: | If Latvia had not opted for an 'Il Divo' styled group, then Slovenia may have stood out to such an extent that listeners would have forgiven the Balkan strings and bodice-straining presentation. Unfortunately for Slovenia, this came off as a strange homage to the blue singer on the interstellar cruiser in 'The Fifth Element' - more about vocal gymnastics than entertainment.
'Joan Sutherland goes EMO' - Loukia, Editor |
| place | 15th | |
| score | 66 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| LATVIA | Bonaparti.lv | Questa Notte |
 | Comments: | Italian popular operetta hits Eurovision! Blame it on 'Il Divo' but this is a really good track for all its obvious origins and motives. "Greg Domacewicz in a top hat" - Simon, EDU associate |
| place | 16th | |
| score | 54 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Ukraine | |
| FINLAND | Hanna Pakarinen | Leave me Alone |
 | Comments: | A traditional Finnish sea-shanty about the psychopathic hatred one feels for the person you slept with the night before - oh, with hard-rock guitars to pay tribute to Lordi's win in 2006. Think Skunk Anansie 'Selling Jesus' and you're on the right track. |
| place | 17th | |
| score | 53 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| SWEDEN | The Ark | The Worrying Kind |
 | Comments: | In the time-honoured tradition, Sweden rips off ABBA again. This time, the source appears to be Benny rocking out doing a cover of 'Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)' originally by Edison Lighthouse in 1970. Derivative, glam-pop but very catchy – if you’re under 5 or a fan of the Partridge Family.
'Skyhooks meets Marilyn Manson' - Simon, EDU associate |
| place | 18th | |
| score | 51 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Finland | |
| GERMANY | Roger Cicero | Frauen Regier'n die Welt |
 | Comments: | Does one croon in German, or kreun? Roger Cicero makes German sound cool and sassy. For that alone this is one of the best German entries in years, but this swing track is frankly uber-cool! Way too laid back and 'dated sounding' to rate well on the night. |
| place | 19th | |
| score | 49 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Turkey | |
| SPAIN | D'Nash | I Love You Mi Vida |
 | Comments: | The boy bands have been rested for a while - the Spanish sounds have been giving way to Balkan strings. Spain decided: time for a come back. D'Nash (formerly just Nash, go figure) made a pretty, dull and repetitive track quite engaging with their energy and production.
'Footy show Grand Final special' - Simon, EDU associate |
| place | 20th | |
| score | 43 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Romania | |
| LITHUANIA | 4Fun | Love Or Leave |
 | Comments: | Sounding for all the world like Wendy Matthews backed by Tommy Emmanuel on guitar, this Iberian flavoured soft rock tune is inoffensive and has quite sweet vocals. Stage performance looked like an Indonesian marionette show. Just the bare essentials in evidence – obviously they missed the memo that 2007 was all excess and multi-texturalism!
"When will Dr Evil give birth to Mini Me?" - Simon, EDU associate |
| place | 21st | |
| score | 28 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Georgia | |
| FRANCE | Les Fatals Picards | L'Amour À La Française |
 | Comments: | A wonderfully unusual French entry, combining a lot of English (very cool in France don't you know) with heaps of French words we either know from Year 9 lessons or which are used in English (eg. Rendezvous). Very clever and very catchy - high energy and not taking itself seriously.
Fantastique! - The Editors |
| place | 22nd | |
| score | 19 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Turkey | |
| U.K. | Scooch | Flying The Flag For You |
 | Comments: | This is excrement. A mile high version of 'Are You Being Shagged?' full of embarrassing single entendre rubbish. Background 'music' is only slightly less annoying than Crazy Frog and none of the group can sing. If they were attractive and had a cool stage act it might have pass muster, but this looked like Shane Warne and the hostie that shtoomped Ralph Fiennes performing at a Year 10 variety night.
'Even worse than Daz' Simon, EDU associate |
| place | 23rd | |
| score | 19 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Turkey | |
| IRELAND | Dervish | They Can't Stop The Spring |
 | Comments: | “This isn’t rock n roll – this is genocide” – a Jemini of a vocal performance from the most nervous singer in years. A real tragedy – not that this was a great song. Whilst people were cringing and shaking their heads, they missed the call to liberal democracy in the Eastern bloc. Appeals to pan-Europe unity fail miserably at Eurovision (ironically?) as evidenced by Rosa's 'Europe's Living a Celebration.' |
| place | 24th | |
| score | 5 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Lithuania | |
| PORTUGAL | Sabrina | Dança Comigo (Vem Ser Feliz) |
 | Comments: | Like Belarus, this is a 3 minute song which needs about 2 minutes pruned off it to avoid repetition. There is nothing really wrong with the actual minute. One can easily imagine it in an advert or on a dance show soundtrack. It's just a little trite and daggy.
This missed qualifying for the Grand Final by a few points and was Portugal's best result (in raw points) in a decade. |
| place | 25th (DNQ) | |
| score | 88 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Ukraine | |
| ANDORRA | Anonymous | Let's save the world |
 | Comments: | The Pyrennes' answer to Blink-182 - Anonymous are three 18 year old spotty punks who wanna be Green Day when the grow up. The song is basically a punk version of Monaco's entries of the last few years - 'give the world a hug' - that sort of thing. |
| place | 26th (DNQ) | |
| score | 80 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Ukraine | |
| ICELAND | Eirikur Hauksson | Valentine Lost |
 | Comments: | A 'big' rock ballad, not a little EMO but also harking back to the early 1980s - think Doug Parkinson fronting My Chemical Romance with instrumentation by Trey Parker. The English version 'Valentine Lost' is a vast improvement on the Icelandic 'Ég les í lófa þínum' - but this one needs quite a few listens to grow on you. |
| place | 27th (DNQ) | |
| score | 77 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Finland | |
| POLAND | The Jet Set | Time to Party |
 | Comments: | Do you remember that Christina Aguilera track where she dressed in 1920s gear and changed the pace of her song repeatedly while some rapper talked nonsense? Yeah, apparently so does Poland - but they think we've all forgotten. (For the stage show, they favoured red leather hot pants - just to ‘up’ the skank quotient a smidge). |
| place | 28th (DNQ) | |
| score | 75 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Ukraine | |
| CROATIA | Dragonfly feat. Dado Topic | Vjerujem u ljubav |
 | Comments: | Croatia continues its slide in quality - they had plenty to choose from at Dora, including a number of swingers and crooners (a la Roger Cicero) - but they opted for a poor man's Barry White (trapped in the body of a poor man's Mick Jagger). |
| place | 29th (DNQ) | |
| score | 54 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| ALBANIA | Frederick Ndoci | My Plea |
 | Comments: | As a commentator put it: the song is now three minutes instead of four, it is now in English instead of Albanian and it is now called 'Hear my Plea' instead of 'Stone Ballad' - but it is still shit. |
| place | 30th (DNQ) | |
| score | 49 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Spain | |
| NORWAY | Guri Schanke | Ven A Bailar Conmigo |
 | Comments: | Who would have imagined someone would try to rip off Marie N's woeful flamenco-pop crossover from 2002 - even down to the multi-purpose costume? Norway forgot to rip off the vote rigging that secured victory for Latvia in 2002 and finished 11th last. |
| place | 31st (DNQ) | |
| score | 48 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Sweden | |
| DENMARK | DQ | Drama Queen |
 | Comments: | How do we hate thee? Let EDU count the ways. Screechy, prissy, derivative, banal, poor man's Pet Shop Boys, annoying, garbage. |
| place | 32nd (DNQ) | |
| score | 45 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Sweden | |
| SWITZERLAND | DJ Bobo | Vampires are Alive |
 | Comments: | "DJ Bobo called me up in Tennessee, He said 'Tammy, we're ripping off Lordi'" Best described as 'KLF vs Vanilla Ninjas', Switzerland has most obviously tried to copy the Monster sMash of 2006 with a silly faux-goth song. The title is self-contradicting nonsense (Vampires are clearly Un-Dead, not Alive!) and the clichés quickly follow. Like most Euro-fans we were surprised this did not qualify - but for us it was a pleasant surprise! |
| place | 33rd (DNQ) | |
| score | 40 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| NETHERLANDS | Edsilia Rombley | On top of the world |
 | Comments: | While Austria's entry was written for Anastacia to record (seriously) you would swear that it was actually the Dutch entry that had her name on it. Edsilia Rombley's previous Euro entry 'Hemel En Aarde (Heaven And Earth)' from 1998 has long been in the EDU top 20 of overlooked classics. In the tradition of diminishing returns for most re-entrants (Selma, Karolina, etc) 'On Top of the World' is less impressive, but still a very strong soft rock ballad. |
| place | 34th (DNQ) | |
| score | 38 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Turkey | |
| ESTONIA | Gerli Padar | Partners in Crime |
 | Comments: | Estonia's song would be a better than average Finnish entry in any other year - clumsy English rhymes, lots of references to angels and demons. Safe 'grrrl rock' tune with some drums (in context) and a catchy chorus. (Trivia: Gerli's brother Tanel Padar won Eurovision in 2001.) |
| place | 35th (DNQ) | |
| score | 33 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Russia | |
| MONTENEGRO | Stevan Faddy | Hajde kroci |
 | Comments: | Sounds like it could be from the soundtrack of the Balkan version of the Dukes of Hazzard (the 1980s TV version, mid you) then given a really bad, rocking re-mix. Bring back 'No Name' - all is forgiven.
"Itchy crotchy. Scratch my itchy crotchy!" - Rod, Editor |
| place | 36th (DNQ) | |
| score | 33 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| ISRAEL | Teapacks | Push the Button |
 | Comments: | Controversial - especially among those who can't be bothered reading the translated Hebrew rap which makes the target of this parody clear (it's Israel and Iran and anyone else using threats of force). The song itself is a combo of polka and hard-rock track with rapping in English, French and Hebrew. EDU thinks its brilliant - "I don't wanna die / I wanna see the flowers bloom / Don't wanna go kaput kaboom" Amen, Salaam, L'chaim! |
| place | 37th (DNQ) | |
| score | 17 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Belarus | |
| MALTA | Olivia Lewis | Vertigo |
 | Comments: | Apparently if you count 'vertigo,' then exactly two words rhyme with vertigo - and forcing indigo into the lyrics is just plain awkward. Some Arabic drums, but a lot more silly contrary rhyming couplets - where nearly every couplet ends with the word vertigo! Olivia ran all over Europe performing this for months (yet failed to develop a waist). We thought it may get to mid-field, but was fourth last.
"The wind machine is pushing that dress against places I'd rather it didn't" - Rod, Editor |
| place | 38th (DNQ) | |
| score | 15 | |
| douze | 12 pts to United Kingdom (!) | |
| BELGIUM | The Krazy Mess Groovers | Lovepower |
 | Comments: | Probably the most repetitive song of the night (the only victory this one had coming) but EDU thought Belgium got away with it due to the high-energy funk of KMG. Perhaps they needed a few more squirts from the funky ball of tits. These quirky acts need to be rewarded lest we are inundated by Balkan ballads. |
| place | 39th (DNQ) | |
| score | 14 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Turkey | |
| AUSTRIA | Eric Papilaya | Get A Life, Get Alive |
 | Comments: | Several editors at EDU had this down as their winner prior to the Contest. Some called it 'too good for Eurovision' and that is going to be our excuse for backing this turd. Reminiscent of Jon Bon Jovi or Rob Thomas - this is a rocking, pop song with big vocals and instantly likeable guitar riffs. Floorshow combined energy with social conscience. Europe is not ready for a cool Austrian not playing it for laughs. |
| place | 40th (DNQ) | |
| score | 4 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Serbia | |
| CZECH REPUBLIC | Kabat | Mala Dama |
 | Comments: | Aimed to win over the Lordi fans from 2006 - the only real hard-rock entrant of 2007. Sounding like Rammstein meets Metallica, the song isn't too bad - it's even catchy at a few points. Is ESC ready for heavy metal without pyrotechnics and monster masks? EDU thinks not. (NB: Ouch! Not ready is one thing...but one solitary point from 41 nations. OUCH!) |
| place | 41st (DNQ) | |
| score | 1 | |
| douze | 12 pts to Ukraine | |